The variables didnt add up, but you were determined to hang in there and solve the situation by wits and endurance. My inner fan girl is all riled up now =). I see her occasionally, but she never stays long if her father is around. This young girl sounds like shes already quite cultured! (My parents zydeco phase was an odd one.) Apparently I am super wrong about This Old House my college friends would just give me a blank stare if I brought it up. As your confusion increased, you probably felt a stronger need to make things happen the way they should, while your partner accused you of obsessively tracking his or her every move. Im a mom of a 14 yr old version of this LWs daughter mine is going to One Direction on Thursday, and will be spending all of Wednesday and Thursday both preparing for this epic event. Im breaking out in hives. He showed me culture, gave me an enjoyment of the arts and it was one on one time that was genuine. How dare she share her own interests. Last Friday night, he worked late and came home exhausted. lets_be_honest Unless you are from PA, of course. Will he ever change? Related- History Channel has some great programming thats HIGHLY educational but fun to watch. It cant be. You dont have to worship the same pop culture icons to have solid relationships. And in the end its the time together, more than what youre actually doing, that makes the difference. Theres nothing wrong with mindless pop culture, imo, so long as its balanced with things opposite that. a single mom to her as her dad was never in the picture. Sometimes it can be a simple matter of communication, or a lack thereof. Id like you to point out the things that you find fun or interesting along the way so I can see it from your eyesand then next week, the new Star Trek movie is out on DVD, so I would love for you to watch it with me. Way to become a teenager yourself dad. Reviewed by Jessica Schrader. He probably reached Buffy overload YEARS ago and now here it is every morning at the breakfast table. lets_be_honest . No. But no amount of time spent is going to make an experience with someone who doesnt really respect you as you are more enjoyable. July 2, 2013, 2:27 pm. Plus, I like Rick Castle. Look, I had a great relationship with my dad. Ya know what happens when Mom encourages the relationship and Dad continues to belittle the kid? Honestly, it doesnt dominate my life My improv group had NO idea I was into Star Wars until it came up in a scene and my knowledge of it was rather startling to ALL involved. His ambition and strong work ethic filled you with admiration. Show interest in his interests. Theres got to be at least one thing that the two of them have in common. Thats true, I had that thought that maybe the mom and daughters perspective on assignments was skewed. One thing that works is to invite a friend along because then she looks forward to the activity and has fun and at the same time she is still interacting with parents. We had some past issues that affected our relationship. I agree with what Wendy said, but I also think the dad needs to show interests in her interests. How many parents have to watch a certain movie a million times or have to listen to a certain band on repeat. They can work together to work on his father-daughter relationship but if his attitude doesnt change itll be that much harder. I was just trying to illustrate (like Wendy did) to the LW that it can be amazing when a father with very different interests introduces a kid to something they may not otherwise have been introduced to, even forcefully to a degree. , temperance When I was a kid, my mom was always kind of a dick about going to see my dads family, so it was usually just him and me. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. I enjoyed it so much, I went both mornings. Haha! findingtheearth I just told her she wasnt allowed to ramble off all the names of plants/flowers unless I specifically ask as I really dont care (it would be like me telling her sports stats all day). You will learn from all of them. Here are a few things you can do to try and improve the relationship between them: Its not uncommon for daughters to want their parents to divorce. Required fields are marked *. The advice to the LW is good, but she cannot change her husbands behavior. It was always classic rock radio in the car, and at home he usually had some background music going, often from his own enormous collection of CDs that included everything from classic rock to blues to zydeco. July 2, 2013, 3:46 pm. I completely agree with you on Buffy. Our 17-year-old son is still at home but can't wait to leave to get away from the constant friction and ill-feeling around the house. And her ongoing view that this somehow makes her the better parent is definitely bordering on malicious, I got into I Love Lucy and Bewitched thanks to my mom!! You might have started asking yourself, Is this person taunting me on purpose? I mean you describe your partner (who sounds amazing BTW) as cultivating her interests and introducing her to things which doesnt sound like what this dad is doing. But I loved my dad and my mom encouraged me and sometimes when I was being a brat prodded me -into hanging out with my dad. He came home and threw his briefcase on the ground. The Golden Rule for all intimate relationships is just as relevant in this situation: No matter how good your intention or how deeply you care for your partner, dont keep participating in interactions that create frustration and emotional distance. So, I have actually always been closer with my dad to be honest. And LW- anyone who tells you Firefly is not a good show doesnt know what their talking about! A highly critical parent or parents, resulting in a high sensitivity to being judged on performance. Or even more fun than you would. Being a parent is more about shaping your child to be secure, well adjusted, happy (etc!!) My dad and I developed a healthy give-and-take relationship when I was this age. She may also believe that by getting divorced, youll finally be able to find the happiness that you deserve. July 2, 2013, 11:25 am. I grew up with a dad who I had a lot in common with. In short, that means they have a common reality they both share, so that each believes the other will see things in approximately the same way. Not Ready To See You With Anyone Other Than Their Biological Father. I think your daughter will be too, if you listen to Wendy.. Gotta say, I disagree with the extreme nature of that statement. As a kid, I was really into the idea of going to museums and seeing plays, but my parents refused to indulge me on it because they wanted me to like the outdoors, hunting, etc. It makes me very depressed that the new Star Trek movies are so popular when the brilliance of DS9 and TNG are all but forgotten amongst our youth . I love this woman, but theres no pleasing her. lets_be_honest But he can be a great dad regardless. LW, I dont think youre siding with your daughter & creating an us against him mentality; you just seem to be describing how your husbands attitude has made you feel more distant towards him as well. He sounds like a domineering and boring person. And since she loves you both, it can be tough for her to see you stay in a situation that makes you both so miserable. Should A Parent Love Their Child More Than Their Spouse? Actually, we dont know this girl but based on this letter, I think that the father is very concerned that she isnt well rounded. Contact Us. They do need the help of their partners to learn to love in this new way. Exactly Lily! On a side note, two weekends ago I went on a family camping trip. Seriously, though I obviously realize the error of my ways now My point being that while my dad exposed me to things that interested him, he also jumped feet first into things that interested me and NEVER EVER made me feel silly or stupid because I was a 12 year old who liked things that other 12 year olds did. Why cant he ask simple questions about what is her favorite episode and why? July 2, 2013, 11:06 am. I camped. Interested in science? I went to on a three week roadtrip with her last spring (LA to New Orleans) a year ago in January And then we went to Bali for two weeks. My dad did tell me they were awful back in the day but he still bought me all the tapes and magazines and t-shirts and let me plaster my walls with their posters and drove me to their concert. And make it a good one. The conflict between your husband and daughter is bound to happen. The wife should be supportive of his efforts, but he needs to act like a grown man and stop being so selfish. All rights reserved. Shes driving me crazy and I dont know how long I can take it.. only in his mind is one of the most well-written and saddest things ever produced on television. You probably had no idea you were getting into this no-win relationship when it began. Haha, are you saying I should stop saying that listening to Taylor Swift on repeat is annoying? In the past, every day held exciting discoveries about the one whose ring you now wear on your finger. This sounds a lot like my childhood! Just like if she says like every other word someone needs to point that out and keep pointing it out until she does something about it. Surely, they can find a few places where their interests overlap a little bit. Express appreciation in your husbands interests so that your daughter may learn to appreciate them or at least be curious about them too. It should open up LWs eyes to the reality of the situation. The way he is reminds me of my dad who, when I was growing up, if I was doing something HE didnt see the value in like I was watching the wrong shows on TV (GARBAGE, hed call it), for example would force me to turn it off. I forgive you!. And aside from all the other suggestions people have made, like neutral activities such as mini golf and ice cream, what about a trade? I dont think that as a parent, you are required to indulge in things you dont approve of. I see it as a dad getting short changed and mom monopolizing time with daughter. I watched a show about what would happen if aliens were discovered, and I know there are some about how realistic certain science fiction shows are. Now a couple of days ago I made a mistake and got behind the wheel of a car after having a few drinks and got a DUI. It must suck to have go some where with the two of them, and because your wife wants to be best friends with your daughter, you probably cant even talk with her while they are together. I assumed my mom was always just mom like. I remember our reaction (me and my bro) when we found out she liked Led Zeppelin . Try to get him to nix the assignments things (because, I mean, UGH) and remind him that shes only TWELVEshell eventually grow out of the fangirldom. But since we dont know which type of person the girls father is (bullying and hurtful, or rude/stubborn yet ultimately well-meaning) I think its helpful that people who had experience in this issue can comment. If he hadnt put in the time when I was a kid, I doubt wed have that relationship. My husband s father always disparaged his interests when he was younger. And with Netflix and Hulu and all that jazz, getting all caught up on Buffy and Firefly and Star Trek and other shows that are ancient history with most of todays teens, is not all that hard. Others say no because the spouse is the one person who will always be there for you, no matter what. Yes, this is the stuff a 7th grade girl needs to hear to boost her self-esteem. I had loving parents, and I thought Wendy was off and the dad seems a bit off and sounds degrading. In the Summer of 1993 when I was 12 I went through a serious Tom Petty phase and my dad LOVED it. Belittling her favorite things will only cause more resentment and make her even less likely to want to spend time with him. Theyre a great way to get people who dont necessarily share a lot of common interests involved. Wendy, I too got the us against him mentality from this LW. So maybe Mom here does need to let go, and open the daughter up to a better relationship with Dad. Buffy was popular in what, 1997? You need to be aware that it is possible he may resist your attempts to change things and he may even get angry, so you will need to stand firm. (I threw it all up and cried. He never rolled his eyes at me or made me feel less because of what I liked. That being said, its important to have fun hobbies, and I agree with their is a balance. FWIW, I didnt get that vibe either, Fabelle. But the problem here is not that the daughter dislikes her dads interests. When you are in the same space with someone who is watching TV all day or farting often or slurping their coffee or whatever, unless you get away from them you will most likely explode. During the summer especially, our kids both have homework that may include working on actual homework-like assignments or getting a privilege after answering X number of questions correctly on our American Trivia game (history, pop culture, geography, etc).