We lived with this prognosis over our heads for 8yearswhilst I watched it take my lovely able bodied husband to a man who could do nothing for himself. Sweetie I understand completely. Hello Diana, I know what you are going through. I say to myself to what end? Even though they told me that he was going to die I didnt believe it for a minute. Thank you to everyone who has posted. In other words, there was nothing they could do. I still cry for him. Why am I so weak when I should be strong knowing that we always have to lose someone. Scars are a testament to life. Our hope is in Heaven. There is a pretty well-accepted theory on grieving that the first year is the hardest. memories we had together. I am so sorry we are are all hurting people,i have found society is not real good at knowing how to help or react to us. I hope for your best and for someone wiser than myself and more experienced than myself contribute to your (our) understanding. Excuse me BRUHH - Castro. But what works for any of us is up to us, ourselves. The medical examiner assumes this caused an arrhythmia which in turn caused him to pass out. Try not to do that to your other child. I miss you. Now year two is truly confusing. Thank you Jesus for steadying my arms. I miss him so much. Just keep living until you feel alive again, My life died October 26 2016 But, I had to stop after his death & I was sick. Even though sometimes we accept that this is life but life seems unfair at times. The first year was the hardest woke up crying and fell asleep crying. On December 1, 2016 my papa (grandfather) passed away unexpectedly. I lightly recommend this only as I am just starting to read it myself. I am 76 and my health seems OK but mentally I am a wreck. Wendy, i lost my mother/best friend 16 months ago and feel the same, nothing will ever be the same again and we are all just a little spot in time. I cry and curse yet, but I am not debilitated on the floor for an afternoon. Im coming up on the 2 year anniversary of his passing, I can for sure that it has not go I have asked God to please take me as soon as possible! I thank the Lord for giving me life but living is one of the most difficult things Ive ever had to do. My friends have gone on with their own lives. In the months that followed my mom's death, I got my dream job writing about celebrity and pop culture at VH1, my boyfriend became my fianc, and I smiled through bridal showers and bachelorette parties for dear . I dont think I could find anyone that could be like him. I am so sad that we are all connected by loss. We are devastated. This year he would have retired. He and I have no extended family -so it was just us and our girls. And I cant move on. Shapes of the clouds. Been there done that wore his t shirt . I do experience love and happiness. Trying anything and everything. I just feel blessed that he loved me that much! I hope we both gain some life of normalcy.. Very hard for us left behind. Lots of noise. Why? "The most beautiful moments always seemed to accelerate and slip beyond one's grasp just when you want to hold onto them for as long as possible.". I feel I no purpose and all alone. My faith keeps me standing, keeps me from losing it again. (pdf) Introduction Congress is fast approaching the need to take action on the nation's statutory debt limit, often referred to as the debt ceiling. Mom was it. I am not suicidal but if i knew my life would end soon, I would be ok with it . We are all torn apart. and Loving her even more wishing that God would bring her back so we can fix this. We were together for 22 years. Its been 2years and 2 months and some days it feels like yesterday all over again. I believe the first year I was numb. I still am filled with sadness and feelings of not being able to go on without him. I will type a little should you come back here. Recovery is slow for me. Reading these posts have made me realize I am not alone, but do not help ease the unending pain I feel. Some are just better than others. Life has lost its luster. It all came back like it was the first few days after he passed. We use to play and sing together all the time. I have a son who is 13 from a previous marriage, and he is the only reason I stick around. I cry everyday. It does ease after a while. I live each day knowing its going to be according to the lords plan. May God bless your soul. You do. So. Arriving on Bainbridge Island is the opposite of arriving in Seattle. I dreaded what I knew my heart would feel.. that horrible ache for him, missing him, his voice, his laugh, his incredible hugs. Please believe me I feel your pain but my husband and I have a legacy and I am responsible to carry is on until its my time and I plan to do exactly that. its been 18 months since i lost my mum. I just cant get my brain to accept the situation and get on with normal life. There is no right or wrong, but while I have always been decisive, I now find myself unsure. I show up for life but just get my body there. If only I could go back and do things differently but it still wouldnt change the outcome. I hope everyone gets to love and be loved that much. Praying for peace. My 21 year old daughter was diagnosed with leukemia and died 14 days later from a brain hemorrhage resulting from the chemo treatment. We always hold my hand whether , We were watching TV, Driving in the car or going for a walk. Then, I felt nothing. Things will get better and you are not alone. Please, be sure and drink plenty of water and eat some. So hard having had to move. and of course my rat terrier Polly. Im just over a year without my darling wife.. We all have a whole lot in common whether its short or long term living marriage, a lover, a friend or a family loved one. He was so above pettiness and saw things though a better side of life. Life is fleeting, indeed. Thank you my heart goes out to you very much Don. We are still here because our mission here on earth is not complete. Two years on it still breaks my heart my two children have been wonderful and my grand-daughters keep me going but I find it ooo so hard. See a translation. Grief and death is so hard and it is nice to have a community of supporters. Your story is so touching. I feel very teary of late and missing him so. Year two was when reality somehow knocked on the door; it was terrible. I do daily things to get by but just want to go to sleep and hope I dont wake up. I have good friends and a lovely daughter, but she is in a bad place with it all too. A grieving cat may go off its food. She never gave up and her hope was as strong as ever. Twenty eight years of marriage was not enough. I too want it to end. Though there is one other Uncle, brother of my Mums, he lives in rural Ireland, only has a land line phone, has ongoing mental health conditions. 14 months ago we were enjoying lunch together at home as we had for years. It presents itself in a million little ways throughout the day and night. The first year was numb. I know your husband is with you in spirt. Im so sorry for your loss. Its heart breaking One of our dogs (Milo) a king Charles took a stroke two months before and died. Now without her? The pain will ease, it never goes but you learn to live a new life and found growth. Missing you always.". Before, at least I had some role to play in this horrific scene, but now it feels as though there is an even duller grayness about everything. i wish all of you well, and know i ache for you and your losses. Its my grief, not theirs. Operative word being had. I sometimes wonder why I cant let go. I Sang to him while he was there passing. Id have to agree; like a winter season goes, your heart is dormant. How did any of you get up and do something for yourselves? Living with cancer was all we had ever known. For me going into this second year is harder than the first because now I can really feel the loss. Perhaps because of expectation expecting to feel better and then feeling even more disappointed and sad when they didnt. Key groups, like the FDA and CDC, have already signed off on a booster dose for all . I struggle to find anyone whos gone through something similar since its so rare. Theyre trying to get there as fast as they can. She passed away August 2020 . i could be just reading a magazine and something pops up she used to like. I have days of no energy or ambition. I feel the same. It was discovered that he had Guianne Barre disease that has been proven to be caused by this shot. Grief is a roller coaster ride that when you get off your left feeling dizzy and everything is. Susan was the only person who ever truly understood me and love me unconditionally. It did get easier and the positivity was flowing for about 3 solid weeks but then the awareness that I am alone hit even harder. I feel as though I cant breathe, like it smothering me. Its been a year 18 months since I lost my son and it feels as though the pain has grown. My journey is about making a meaningful life, and you can. Death cannot kill what never dies" - William Penn. then finally she got the all clear and told she was a survivor. words feeling the loss thats in my heart. I cant say I know how you feel for every bereavement is utterly personal, but when I mentioned to my brother that I was crying so much and surprised at myself (not being a great crier) he said Well you cant just shrug off 45 years of togetherness can you? Take baths , walks and learn to breath. Its only at night when I lay in bed missing him holding me. He was my everything. So, I have been praying that God tell Mike that I am sorry and that I love him and miss him soooo much! Its been 2 years since my mom died. (Yes, I know, 14 months is not enough time, but this grievers-purgatory, if you will, is mentally exhausting.). So I stay home crying and dont know where my life is going. It was the Uncle who lived in the UK that was my one of my last links with my Mum & their early life, this is what is hitting me. In my mind, it feels like if I had that one more, then I would be satisfied. My father had COPD/Hypertension/High Blood Pressure and went into cardiac arrest at the Orlando Airport in Florida while waiting outside to pick me up with my mother. There is NO GETTING OVER IT!!!!! I am English but have a wonderful friend in Alabama also a widow . My heart physically hurt so badly, that I prayed I would diethen and there. Now this next bit my shock some of you but I felt relieved. come to find out later it was a accidental overdose of Benzodiazapine. Every day I beat myself up thinking about what I should have and could have done to help her in her passing. I cant even remember the first few months. Thank you for sharing your stories it makes me feel kind of normal. It feels like a couple weeks ago she was just here. Perhaps Im also very worn out as life has been tough & catching up with me. i thought i was getting a bit better getting on with things and losing the 3 stone i put on. I loved her so very much and nothing in life has hurt as bad as losing her and the feelings of guilt and believing I murdered her no matter what anyone says. Dear Charaine There are no rules about how you . I agree with those who say the second year and beyond are even worse. Im so glad I found this post. I just miss him so much. It never sets you up for well we knew it was going to happen. Thanks for hearing me. Blessings to you all and I pray that your suffering is eased a little each day and replaced with memories and blessings of joy. It's been just a few years since you passed away. I loved My wife 12/15/2018 just a week before Christmas Just a week before that she got to see most of her family at her grandmothers funeral. I would truly love to hear what others have done (remained or moved) and how they reflect on their choice. I do not know what long enough means. I wish that I could help. When I met her she had 5 Children then we had a Son together, and 3 are still home with me and it just seems that sometimes it wont get better. They say part of grieving is to talk about him to people but after 2 years of listening, my sister and cousin are kind of tired of hearing my memories. I was no longer surviving it, I was Feeling it. And amid the lessening, there are still periods where you feel as though its the 2nd month all over again. She was my heart, my everything. Im still waiting for that window, Glad to find this article, I was married 55 plus years to a wonderful man. I believe that the Lord made our hearts for relationships, and that we are not to go life alone. I am having a horrible time with not having him and I do not know if I will ever be free of my horrible grief. One day it will be my turn. I know I dont want to live like this for any length of time anymore. I hid from my emotions, thought I was in love again. weight I lost prior to his death. I dont have a single friend in the same boat so it can get lonely even in a crowd. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Her smile and laugh and crazy hair. My prayers be with you all. "To live in the hearts of those we love is never to die" - Thomas Campbell. As seasons go, you would probably consider this one very dark. I have our two dogs (my puppies that keep me going). And now Im beginning year 2 without him but it doesnt feel any less of a loss. Take care everyone . After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, youll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. I still think about him every day and cry every night. I have tried to be strong, to work through the loss, taken on a healthier lifestyle, spend time with friends, dress up and put on my makeup, work hard yet I am left feeling empty. I have to keep tip toeing forward. The reply by this self-titled old guy might just change the way you approach life and death. I feel them close. I am 54 now. Reading all of the comments on this forum I just dont feel that my grief is normal- I love and miss him so so much so just dont understand how I can just carry on with my life and am not at breaking point anymore. He was 47. His cancer was a rare and aggressive form and he was gone within 6 months of his diagnosis. My only advice from a husband perspective is dont be afraid to find someone to love again. I need one that tells me when we will be together again. Margaret, your husband died after 46 years of marriage last year and mine round the same time after 45 years. I thought, in some detached way, that things were getting better. I lost my husband 2 years ago suddenly and left behind with 2 young children. I'm in my 16 month. Everyone deals with it in their own way. My Dad died back in 2001. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. not only was he the love of my life he was my best friend he is the one i would have turned to to ask ok, what do i do now..i dont know where i fit in the world now. It is almost relieving to have a physical representation of what is occurring on the inside. I truly admire your honesty. I felt I should have paid more attention and have found the money to pay for the tests that would have shown he needed medical treatment. Today I got a call from the bank saying they forgot to transfer a small amount of his to our daughter, i broke down again. Just to let them know that they arent up here alone. By Gods help we will get through this. death of their loved ones so unbearable. Thank you for letting me know I am not alone. It was almost like they are just now remembering or being affected again. I go out to the cemetery every day, sometimes for hours at a time. I do believe in the resurrection and have faith that we will meet again. Death can be attractivethe end of the torment of loss, but I implore you to think of what you may still offer others and perhaps even find peace and joy in while living. Im not saying there is no life after death but I am saying that if there is, that is his journey. You are not depressed and forget the damn therapy! I took a lot of pills with the intent to never wake up. I mean she depended on me 100% for feeding, hygiene, toileting. amen to all. the answer is your husband was not in the ambulance, its empty.